A Few

January 10, 2008

My grandmother used to tell this joke:

A farmer asked his mule if he wanted some oats. The mule said a feeeeeew. Not funny at all, unless you're eight, and it's your grandmother, and she draws out the "few" to make it sound like a mule passing gas.

[Aside, for context: my grandmother on my mother's side was a character, long on flair, an able weaver of tales. She like to "keep the conversational ball rolling," which translated nicely means she could converse ably with a post. This being the South, you would recognize her by other women you may know from books, movies, or television: Aurora from Terms of Endearment, maybe Blanche Deveroux from Designing Women.]

Anyway, I was reminded of the joke during an e-mail exchange with Erin's oncologist, Dr. Heidi Russell earlier this week, when she wrote to comment on how nice Erin's images were on Monday (including the bone scan, for any of you who did not trust my amateur opinion in my post on Monday evening). She also noted that Erin's ANC had been lower than usual and wondered if Erin had been sick. Another possibility she suggested was transient neutropenia triggered by antibodies in Erin's IVIG. In either case, Dr. Russell, went on to say, "I wouldn't mind, though, if you had it re-checked in a few weeks, just to be sure it is resolving."

Since we ordinarily have blood draws once a month (and since I take the care and maintenance of Erin seriously, I tend to follow doctor's instructions rather literally--friends may remember when I thought that Dr. Russell's instructions to give Erin her medicine every day at the same time meant every day at 6:00 a.m., plus or minus two minutes. She gently corrected me--after a few months--that the same time every day meant plus or minus two hours), I wondered what "a few weeks" meant. I sent her a return message asking for clarification. This is what she wrote back:

I have attached the formal definitions of "few" below.  I usually like the
Merriam Webster Dictionary over the Random House, but alas, this came up first on
google.

few   Pronunciation[fyoo] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation adjective, -er,
-est, noun, pronoun
-adjective

1.
not many but more than one: Few artists live luxuriously.
-noun

2.
(used with a plural verb) a small number or amount: Send me a few.


3.
the few, a special, limited number; the minority: That music appeals to the few.
-pronoun

4.
(used with a plural verb) a small number of persons or things: A dozen people
volunteered, but few have shown up.
-Idioms

5.
few and far between, at widely separated intervals; infrequent: In Nevada the towns
are few and far between.


6.
quite a few, a fairly large number; many: There were quite a few interesting things
to do.
_____

[Origin: bef. 900; ME fewe, OE féawe; c. Goth fawai; akin to L paucus few, paulus
little, pauper poor, Gk paûros little, few]


Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1)
Based on the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2006.

She went on to write:

The HVR definition for clarification is 3 to 4 weeks (or 20 to 30 days if
you'd rather)

For some reason this just cracked me up. I really think you have to appreciate someone who did not have their sense of humor excised in medical school. Some pediatrics specialist fake a sense of humor by tickling children so that they can palpate them or pretend to see Big Bird or Sponge Bob in their ears when they are using their otoscope. But you don't always find someone willing to be cheeky. So, to her long list of accomplishments, I would like to give Dr. Heidi V. Russell some additional props for making me chuckle (of course we all know that's a lot easier to do the week after stable scans than the week before).

So, in 20 to 30 days from last Monday, Erin will run by the local clinic and have her oil checked. Doctor's and lexicographer's orders.