I have coached Sharks,
Knights, 
Red Hot Chili Peppers, 
Mystic,
and now the DTAgs (some of whom have now passed me in height), and Erin was on the field with all the iterations except the last. Some of you wonder why I still go out to the pitch with the girls, since Erin can no longer join in.It usually isn't too hard. I love soccer. I love the players. It keeps me young and fit(ter) to stay involved. I miss Erin terribly, of course. I estimate that I actively think about her about 50% of my waking hours that I'm not actively involved in something else. I carry her around with me, and at soccer practice and games, I'm not usually bothered that transcendent Erin has taken the place of running, tackling, and striking Erin.
Last night, however, was an exception. Our soccer team is doing some non-soccer team building and since the fields were unplayable, we took the opportunity to do a little preparation for our upcoming Iron Chef competition. It struck me how Erin would have absolutely adored the idea of competitive cooking: design the menu, find the recipes, shop for the ingredients, whip up the meal, and serve it (all with your friends), so that you could WIN a competition.
I followed the girls on my team around Kroger. They checked prices and weighed the merits of buying a bag of lemons versus a specific number of lemons. I answered questions like
"Why can't we just buy one celery stalk if that's all we need?"
"What's a dressed snapper and why can't we just buy a naked one?" and
"These spices are expensive. Do we really need them to cook?"
The whole experience almost took my breath away. I could feel my nostrils start to burn like I had tweezed out some nose hairs (a sure sign I'm thinking strong thoughts about Erin). I
Love the photos, Vickie.. and a post that brings tears.. oddly, I miss her too. Wish there were appropriate words here, just know I think of you and Erin often. Sending you a photo now....
ReplyDeleteLike Karen, I don't think there are any appropriate words.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing and know that you are loved.
oh vickie, so beautiful and so very painful to read. the power of your description, the girls' questions, the burning of oncoming emotion, the absolutely tangible hand reaching for yours... very very hard. toby makes menus all the time. whenever he does something like erin, i think of her. and i'm not alone. a dear friend in chicago, whom i see only once a year, told me last week that erin is burned into her memory. i had no idea, and she got a big hug from me that day. missing erin too. love, mooki
ReplyDeleteOof. Beautifully written and so hard. I love the pictures!
ReplyDeleteMargot
I am so sorry. Thinking of you...
ReplyDeletedon't even know what to say
ReplyDeletefeeling it
loving you
missing erin!
don't even know what to say
ReplyDeletefeeling it
loving you
missing erin!
You are such a blessing to all of us. Thank you for all that you do. I know Erin would be so very proud of you! I know she loved cooking. Please lean on us for support and we will be there to help you during these especially difficult times.
ReplyDeleteVickie,
ReplyDeleteI am sending you huge hugs today. As I was reading your words, one of my favorite, if not my very favorite, Storypeople quote came to mind:
"I carry you with me into the world, into the smell of rain & the words that dance between people & for me it will always be this way, walking in the light, remembering being alive together"
You carry Erin in all you do. She continues to live for so many of us because of you and your love.
Many hugs,
Olivia
I have so much respect for you. The pictures were awesome. You are awesome.
ReplyDeleteYes, she so would have loved the Iron Chef competition... And she so would have kicked butt in it!!
ReplyDeleteMissing her daily and wishing I was there with you...!! I love you!!!!!!!
If I could move MA closer to TX this evening, I would do it. I hope you were able to go home from the grocery store and claim a hug from Walter. We are thinking about all the Buengers.
ReplyDeleteMy friend and I were recently discussing about how modern society has evolved to become so integrated with technology. Reading this post makes me think back to that discussion we had, and just how inseparable from electronics we have all become.
ReplyDeleteI don't mean this in a bad way, of course! Societal concerns aside... I just hope that as the price of memory falls, the possibility of transferring our memories onto a digital medium becomes a true reality. It's a fantasy that I daydream about almost every day.
(Posted on Nintendo DS running [url=http://quizilla.teennick.com/stories/16129580/does-the-r4-or-r4i-work-with-the-new-ds]R4i[/url] DS SysBro)
Vickie,
ReplyDeleteI can't think of the right words to describe how I'm feeling after reading this, but my heart aches for you. Thank you for sharing that on here...
I have the photo of Erin that was included with my lanyard that I bought last year. It is propped up against another frame on top of my desk... a friend of mine was over this weekend and asked who she was. I took great joy in explaining Erin the best that I could, and even opened my laptop to show her the website, the Youtube video from when I did lanyards last summer at PACAA, and the photos that you emailed me. Just thought you should know that I think of Erin and your family all the time, and admire your (and her) strength.
I can only imagine how much you miss your little one. She was sweet and precious and funny and gifted beyond her years.
ReplyDeleteAnd maybe she had those gifts beyond her years because her life would be over before she was done living it.
Remembering her smile and her verve today.
Becky