A Jar of Erin Fortitude

09/22/06

Everything was great at clinic yesterday. We will start round 10 of oral etoposide on Monday and scan on October 19. Erin is feeling very well, and Walter and I along with the medical team are working as hard as we can to keep this trend going.

I did have a follow up conversation with Erin about the horse show last weekend. It crossed my mind at bedtime the other night to probe a little into Erin's state of mind, riding into an arena on a horse that had never been in a horse show, much less inside a covered arena, on a day that performance jets had been flying low and repeatedly over the area (and stirring up a number of the horses to the point that they were trying to kick their way out of the stalls).

Mom: "What did you think about the horse show?"

Erin (straight to the point): "I liked it."

Mom: "Were you nervous or anxious or anything?"

Erin: "What do you mean?"

Mom: "Did it scare you to mount up and ride into the arena with judges and an audience watching? Did you think Scamp might panic? Were you afraid you wouldn't know what you were supposed to do?"

Erin: "No, mom, I was born for that."

And so, no stage fright, no butterflies, no pounding heart. Just a casual ride through the gate and around the arena. You can do that if you were "born for it." I love Erin's confidence. She has joined a new soccer team this year. All girls. All girls who could beat Erin's old (boys) team hands down, every time. Is she nervous? Maybe, but she's not letting on.

I'd really like to can some of this courage. Put a jar of Erin Fortitude off the shelf. Then I could pull it out when I wavered. Like I did this week when a girl that all of you would have liked, died from neuroblastoma. Her name was Christi Thomas. She was Erin's age, diagnosed a month or two after Erin. She was smart as a whip and beautiful. She loved art and science and animals (does all of this sound familiar?). Her parents and doctors went to extrmeme lengths to keep her healthy. They loved her from the bottom of their heart. Anyway, if you visit her website Christithomas.com or her parent's blog christithomas.blogspot.com you will read a heart ripping story of a girl who had much in common with Erin, and you will know why we sometimes need a jar (a gallon, a tank, an ocean?) of courage.